Cranky Fibro Girl

Harnessing the healing power of snark

Archives for March 2006

It Was Somebody’s Job To Think This Stuff Up

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Recently my husband has been excited to find some new friends with which he can play video games. While I am an excellent wife and companion in many ways, I do not share his enjoyment of gaming. So it has been good for him to connect with others who do.

Last weekend one of The Gamers arrived at our house and announced: “I just went to Blockbuster and found The Best Game Ever! You’re a samurai, and you wake up one day, and all of your body parts have been stolen. You have to go out and fight the bad guys who took them so you can like, get your arms back and stuff!” [Read more…] about It Was Somebody’s Job To Think This Stuff Up

Destiny

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He was very quiet for the first 4 months that I knew him, rarely laughing or even speaking, no matter how many jokes I made at my own expense.

But then came the day that, in a desperate attempt to make our new kitten behave, I slammed a squirt bottle of water down on the table at which we were working. He looked at the bottle, looked at me, and then performed the most perfect straight man double take in the history of humor.

It was at that moment I knew that we were destined to become the very best of friends.

Calgon, Calgon, Take Me Away

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It all started on Monday, when I had to take one of our cats in to get her teeth cleaned.

Now, before you roll your eyes and think, “Oh, you’re one of those kinds of pet owners,” please know that really, I am not. Trust me when I say that if you had to spend any amount of time near this cat and her breath, you would know that this was as much for our benefit as it was for hers. (And yours, if you ever came over to our house to see us.)

Also, the vet was all scary with her words like “bacteria”, and “infection”, and “damage”, and call me soft if you will, but I guess I am a sucker for keeping my pets alive.

So she went in early Monday morning and was ready to be picked up late that afternoon.

“We’re a little grumpy,” said the vet assistant in what had to be the most enormous understatement in all of time as she brought Pip out in her cage, and lo, the earth trembled from the force of her rage. [Read more…] about Calgon, Calgon, Take Me Away

I Don’t Drink, But If I Started, This Would Be Why: Part 2

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The bug guy was here again today, to do our quarterly pest control as well as rodent maintenance.

As he was leaving he said, “Yeah, it’s a good thing we got the rat situation under control when we did because, you know what rats attract in the summer?”

He was laughing as he said this. My mind had totally stopped functioning, unable to imagine a new, potential creature-related horror.

Did I mention that he was laughing as he said, “I just love scaring you. In the summer, rats attract SNAKES.” [Read more…] about I Don’t Drink, But If I Started, This Would Be Why: Part 2