So last weekend my husband and I were at dinner with 3 other couples, and during the course of the conversation the woman next to me informed me that I was going to, and I quote, “H-E-double hockey sticks.” Oh, and not only was I going, but so was my husband. Oh, and not only was he going too, but the fact that he was going was also my fault.

That was a lot of information to take in all at once, and I really didn’t know how to respond to her statements. Plus, I was always raised to follow this advice: “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” I am even more of a believer now, and am considering a more prominent, physical representation of this statement (such as having it tattooed across my forehead), in order to avoid any more confrontations like that one.

Of course I couldn’t think of any snappy comebacks in the moment, but here are some responses I’ve come up with since then.

-”What?!”

-”Ah, yes, my powers are growing. I must be sure to use them only for good, and never for evil.”

-”I wasn’t aware that you were the person who got to make that decision.”

-”Um, I think your recruiting technique needs a little work.”

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but unfortunately, I’ve also noticed that it can be a whole lot slower.