Lately I have been thinking a lot about super powers.

It all started last weekend when I borrowed one of my technologically astute guy friends to help me purchase my husband’s Christmas present. My friend is an avid video gamer, and so as we were walking out of the store, I with my husband’s gift and he with a new stack of games for himself, we got to talking about super heroes.

My Friend: I should never be given the power of invincibility, because if I were invincible I would go around hurting everyone else just because I could.
Me: Hm, interesting.
Me (silently): OK, Universe, are you listening here?
Me: So, you’d really be more of a super villian than a super hero.
My Friend: Exactly.
Me: And then you’d need a super hero to come against you.
My Friend: But no one could, because I’d be invincible.
Me: Ah, but everyone has a weakness. There’s Superman and kryptonite…
My Friend (interrupting): Well, I guess you could bore me to death.

(I still haven’t figured out if he just meant people in general, or if he was talking to me specifically at that moment. So I haven’t decided yet whether or not I’m offended.)

So then I started to think about myself, and what super powers I could have. I would love to be able to fly, but that one’s probably a ways off yet. So then I started to make a list of everthing I could think of about myself that could possibly be considered as some kind of super power. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

1. My hair is absolutely irresistible to cats. Scarily enough this is actually true. But try as I might, I really couldn’t think of any kind of situation where this ability would actually come in handy.

2. Apparently I am able to contain amazing amounts of tension in the muscles of my neck and shoulders. All the medical health professionals I’ve seen for this problem are just stunned when they examine me. I’m like the antithesis of “Elastigirl” from “The Incredibles”. But, once again, I really can’t imagine that the public would have much need for the services of “Really, Really Tense Girl”.

3. When people meet me they are frequently compelled to create a new nickname for me on sight. Now, I think this one could actually be useful. What this says to me is that I apparently have the ability to shape-shift, and to adapt myself to each situation and person that present themselves in my experience. So I could be “Chameleon Girl”, or even better, “The Confounder”. I can see a lot of potential uses for this ability.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and see about a costume. (But no capes.)